Unleashed Thoughts

life is a blank canvass
it’s all up to you
to choose the colors wisely
their brightness and hue
you are the painter
creating your work of art
let people see
what’s inside your heart
–mdsdm 030208

secrets. they may be dark. they may be deep. or they can be as shallow as not wanting to let your guy friends that you have your period. whatever they are, secrets are meant to be kept. there are some secrets we find the courage to reveal, while select others remain hidden out of sight and out of mind from all the world.  but anyway, i saw this post on a bulletin, so i decided to answer it here in my blog. basically because it’s entitled "40 secrets about yourself". I find it more appropriate to reveal secrets in my blog…where only few people bother to read. hehe..so if i’ve intrigued you enough, then you’re probably reading this. anyway, here goes.

————-

40 Secrets About Yourself. Be honest
no matter what.

[One] Who was your last text from?
- kareen

[Two ] Where was your default picture
taken?
- my friend marc david’s house.

[ Three ] What’s your middle name?
- sison

[ Four] Your current relationship
stat is?
- taken

[Fiv e] Does your crush like you back?
- no. he loves me back! hahahaha!

[S ix ] What is your current mood?
- i wouldn’t say blissful, but i’m not despondent either–chill lang. hehe..

[Seven ] What’s your mom’s name?
- lily

[Eig ht ] What color shirt are you
wearing?
- white

[Ten] If you could go back in time and
change something, would you?
- yeah…:-<

[Eleven] Have a crazy side?
- doesn’t everybody? mine isn’t as crazy as others though..the craziness in me is within normal range, i believe.

[Twelve] Ever had a near death experience?
- well…pretty much during the times i wasn’t alert enough while crossing the street. heee~..

[Thirteen] Something you do a lot?
- now that i’m on a break? sleep! yay! \(^_^)/

[Fourteen ] Angry at anyone?
- no naman.

there! done! =) please do note that the person i love and miss terribly and i are okay already.=)

i was going through this blog and i read one entry i posted after Valentine’s Day.  in that blog entry, i now remember, i asked God that if ever i’d fall for someone again that that someone would catch me.

as i view my life right now, i can’t help but be thankful that He has finally answered that longing of mine: that i no longer experience a pseudo relationship. He rekindled an old flame, and I really am very happy and contented with the relationship He has blessed me with.  i never knew that God would bring vince and i together again after 2 years of sparse communication and love-hate friendship.  It’s true that God’s timing is always perfect. =)

i love His answer.=)

okay, i haven’t blogged here for such a long time. i owe it to my "faithful readers" (if there are any) to blog about my updates.

update #1
i am now about a month already in the new school i am working in–the little apprentice preschool. and i teach 2 classes. one in the morning and one in the afternoon. The class I teach in the morning are comprised of 12 4 year olds (although the youngest in class is turning 4 palang in september).  and my afternoon class is made up of 6 1.5-2 year olds.  actually they’re all less than 2 because right now they’re about 1  year and 8-9 months. although i do have a 1 year and 3 month old student. hehe…it’s fun. i get to teach older kids and babies:D

update #2
i’m finally starting with the treatment for my ovarian cysts. okay…maybe you didn’t know that but i have ovarian cysts..they’re not cancerous naman. they’re just clumps of unmelted egg cells (i think). but the doctor still wants to sort of regularize the flow before she actually targets the cysts.

update #3
my cold never went away. it hasn’t turned yellow or green yet, but i’ve had it even before i started working in TLA…so i’ve had it for about a month already too.  grr..sucky.

update #4
vince joined me, my mom and my two older brothers last wednesday to watch Auntie Pie’s concert/voice recital at the PCI bank tower in makati.  he finally met my mom’s eldest brother and my cousin, and he also met my lola and my other auntie’s husband. hehe..first time. it was so great of him to lend his jacket to my lola when she was feeling cold. apparently, he was cold too! haha…pero sabi niya he’s "earning points" daw that’s why he lent his jacket to her.  anyway, after Auntie Pie’s concert, we ate at the Mandarin ’cause Uncle Marshall treated us to dinner.  We were stuffed. as in super stuffed!

update #5
on our way home from makati that night, vince suddenly had fever. we checked his temperature when he brought us home and it was 38 degrees already. he was sick until yesterday. although yesterday daw he was okay na…suuuure…. haha…so i guess today sya super okay na. 

update #6
i’m so excited to go out with my college friends this month. we’re meeting on saturday to watch harry potter 5. okay, yeah, we’re losers we haven’t watched it yet.  it’s fun ’cause all the other harry potter movies (except the first i think) i watched with them. hehe…^_^ so harry potter is really the movie i watch with my college friends. 

so there, that’s really all i have to and want to say at the moment. although, who knows when i’ll blog again. hahaha!

tata!

hindi ko akalain
sa dami ng tao sa mundo
ikaw lang din pala
ang bibihag sa puso ko

tumingin man sa malayo
mag-iba man ang landas
hindi mawala sa isip
ang pag-ibig na wagas

ngunit kung titignan
ako’y bihag mo lamang
hindi makalalaya
gustuhin ko man

kahit pa nasasaktan
ako’y bihag mo lamang
tanging panalangin
ika’y mabihag ko rin.

—–
mdsdm 033007
—–

hayuf. iba talaga pag kailangan mag-destress eh no?

Sagutin sa pinakamasungit mong
kakayahan:
(in this case, sasagutin ko siya ng pinakamataray kong kakayahan=D)

01. ang arte mo!
- eh ano naman, kung maarte ako?

02. mas matalino naman ako sayo!

-bahala ka na nga magbuhat ng sarili mong bangko jan…

03. crush ako ng crush mo!

- so, crush mo na rin siya ngayon?

04. ang bobo mo pala sa math!

- no surprise there! hindi naman ako math major no!

05. bilisan mo naman!

- sino ba kasi tinatakasan natin?

06. ang taray mo!

- eh nakakairita na eh..

07. gusto mo ng away?

- ayokong mag-aksaya ng panahon sa bagay na walang katuturan…

08. takot ka ata sakin eh?

- pwede ba? feel.

09. mas mahal niya ko!
- okay lang! hindi ko naman siya mahal!=P

10. ang bababa na naman ng mga grades
mo!

- UP naman..eh ikaw?

hahahaha! sorry kung may na-offend lalo na sa number 10. That’s UP pride talking. at hypothetical naman ang lahat ng sitwasyon. ayan…para alam niyo na nakakaimbyerna din pala ako. para hindi kayo magulat kung bigla niyong ma-witness ang aking mga episodes…hehehe…

mababaw lang naman ang kaligayahan ko. madali akong patawanin. ang baduy na joke, kadalasa’y bentang benta sa ‘kin.  kung bakit. hindi ko din alam…ganito lang din kasi talaga ako ginawa ng Panginoon.

"Paano po kung hindi naman kayo, pero meron kayong special understanding? Okay lang po ba yun?"

‘Yan ang isa sa mga tanong sa pagsasalo ng E-Cube sa How Deep is Your Love.  Emcee ako sa pagsasalong iyon, ngunit gusto ko sanang sagutin yung tanong.  Nakakatawa. Matagal ko nang alam ang sagot sa tanong na yun.  Kung babae ka, hindi okay yun dahil kadalasan, babae ang lugi sa ganoong klaseng relasyon–hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar. laging nasa gitna ng pagiging single at pagkakaroon ng jowa (haha..whatta term).  sa simpleng salita–limbo. kung lalaki ka naman, hindi okay yun, dahil hindi mo man lang naiisip kung gaano kahirap para sa babae ang malagay sa ganoong klaseng sitwasyon. 

halos lahat sa kakaunting relasyon na naranasan ko (sa pakikipagrelasyon sa  ibang kasarian) ay ganun. M.U. sabi nila "Mutual Understanding" pero sa totoo lang…"MAlabong Usapan"  Ilang beses ko nang  naranasan. nakakatawa dahil ang tigas talaga ng ulo ko. 

Natuwa lang sa sandaling may nagpakita na pinapahalagahan ka, pinoprotektahan ka…pero hindi nga lang kayo.  "Friends lang kami" pero ewan. Nakakatawa ang mga palusot ng tao sa ganung sitwasyon. 

Ngunit sa kabila ng katuwaan, katatawanan, at kakiligan, hindi nakakatawa ni nakakatuwa ang in-iinvest na oras at damdamin.  Hindi nakakatawa ni nakakatuwa ang masaktan ng paulit ulit dahil nung simula ka nang mahulog, nalaman mong wala na palang sasalo sayo.  Akala mo meron.  Kaya maraming namamatay sa maling akala eh.

Hindi ko naman sinisisi ang ibang tao sa napagdaanan kong ‘di kanais-nais, dahil alam ko naman na ako mismo ay may pagkukulang at may kasalanan.  Pangarap ko yun, na kung maulit man yun, sana saluhin na niya (kung sino man siya) ako.  O kaya naman sabay kaming mahulog, para hindi kami nag-aalinlangan, para hindi nakapang-hihinayang. Sana Siya ang magpasalo sa kanya (kung sino man siya). Para hindi lang nakakatuwa, kundi nakakagalak…

Shux…masyado yatang malakas ang hangover ko ng Singles Awareness Day (Valentine’s Day)

for quite some time, i lost touch with my best friend back in high school.  i was mostly to blame, simply because i didn’t do much effort to communicate. i would normally get a text message from her everyday. it didn’t matter if they were quotes, but it just showed that i crossed her mind daily. and the thanks i repaid, was the absence of a single SMS letting asking her how she was doing. 

come to think of it, i think i do have a poor way of keeping my friendships with friends from the past.  my way of thinking has turned to the "now".  whoever i am with at present, whoever i see more often, whoever i spend time with more often..they’re my friends. friends in the past still remained my friends, but always as words. always because we had shared great moments together, but i felt that because i haven’t been around them and they had no idea what was currently going on in my life, they weren’t my friends. 

but as i review my mind’s way of thinking, i find it flawed.  the main reason why they don’t know what i’m going through is because i don’t tell them.

i’ve seen my faulty end of the friendship, and i’m trying what i can to restore lost friendships and rekindle them to the friendship that it was once. 

it took me a wake up call from my bes’ boyfriend to make me realize that i haven’t exactly been pulling my weight around. so thanks.

In a record store I went to in 2003, I happened to listen to a song for the first time.  I liked the message of the song, but i didn’t know the title. 4  years later, I happened to stumble upon the song again as it played in our DVD player.  I tried to look for the title on the mp3 cover, but since it wasn’t printed in sequence, I just tried to search for the lyrics of the song through one snippet.  I finally found the song. I’m pasting a copy of the song here. The title of the song is the title of this blog entry.=) it was sung by Stevie Wonder and Charlene (whoever she is).

—————
Superman was killed in Dallas

There’s no love left in the palace

Someone took the Beatle’s lead guitar

Have another Chivas Regal

You’re twelve years old and sex is legal

Your parents don’t know where or who you are

Used to be the hero of the ballgame

Took the time to shake the loser’s hand

Used to be that failure only meant you didn’t try

In a world where people gave a damn

Great big wars in little places

Look at all those frightened faces

But don’t come here we just don’t have the room

Love thy neighbor’s wife and daughter

Cleanse your life with holy water

You don’t need to pay we’ve got a few

Used to be a knight in shining armor

Didn’t have to own a shiny car

Dignity and courage were the measures of a man

Not the drugs he needs to hide the scar

Can you picture me?

Does your preacher pray?

Does your president have soul?

Have you heard a real good ethnic joke today?

Mama took to speed and Daddy ran away

But you mustn’t lose control

Let’s cut a class, I’ve got some grass

The kids are wild we just can’t tame them

Do we have the right to blame them?

Fed them all with indecision
We’ve rigged their minds with television

But what the hell they’re too young to feel pain

But I believe that love can save tomorrow

Believe the truth can set us free

Someone tried to say it

And we nailed Him to a cross

I guess it’s still the way it used to be…

———————————–
The reason why I like this song is because of its portrayal of the realities of the world. What’s sad is that though this song was written 2-3 decades ago, the words hold true today. And it still holds true that there is someone who can save us, if we just let Him. We wonder why the world is so screwed, but looking at our families, at ourselves, do you really have to wonder?
So many people want to do things their own way, want nothing to do with God, and end up wondering why God doesn’t help them. 

*habang naglalakad sa madilim-dilim na kalsada sa may KNL*

tol: ay, lam ko na ang sagot!
tok: talaga? so alin dun sa dalawa?
tol: i’m waiting…
tok: oh..
tol: for someone else.
tok: ayos!

*apir*

tok (sa sarili): eh ako kaya?