Unleashed Thoughts

throughout this whole week, i have been reminded of something very important that we lose as we grow older…that is, child-like faith. 

i’ve pondered on it before. now i realize that i really want to have it once again.

what is so important about child-like faith? it’s being innocent once again, being totally dependent and trusting of what God can do for you.  from the eyes of a child, an adult (especially their parent) is a hero. a grown-up protects them. they have faith in the Lord that is soooo pure and untainted. 

i remember being so scared of "what lies behind" our store room door. i used to believe that once i shut the light of our storeroom and close the door…spooky things come out.  that’s why i dreaded opening it.  but what helped me overcome my, then, fear was that i had faith that Jesus was with me and that He would definitely scare all them evil spirits away! now i ask myself, do i still see Him as that in everything that I find big and scary?

i’m sure there were moments in your childhood that you asked the grown-ups you found comfort in to carry you. be it your parents, grandparents or other caregivers.  and these moments were times when we felt tired or scared or sad and all we wanted to say was "carry!" as a sign that we needed the comfort of the grown-ups who loved us so much.  shouldn’t we be the same way with Our Father in heaven? when we feel tired or scared or sad, we would all love the security of being carried in His arms…if only we let Him. 

one incident i remember from my younger years was when a friend of mine asked me "if there was a snake in front of us right now, who do you think would save us?" without missing a beat i answered "Jesus of course!" it amazes me how sure i was then that Jesus would save me if there was a snake threatening me and my friend.  if you’d ask me the same question right now, i’d probably give you a different answer. 

it saddens me that our child-like faith no longer exists when we finally get a taste of the "real" world.  could it be that we are just being rational or practical or is it just being plain skeptical? does our faith in the Lord diminish as we grow older, just as our faith in the toothfairy, Easter Bunny and Santa Claus disappears? i hope not. we might find ourselves thinking "yeah sure, God’s there, but He doesn’t care for me". are you sure He doesn’t want to take care of you? or is it more of you feel like you don’t really need being taken care of Him? honestly? do you always find yourself thinking that you don’t need anyone else but yourself to accomplish something? that you are the captain of your soul? that you control your life? then i do believe that you have been giving God the message of "Lord, i can do this on my own, i don’t really need Your help."  When do we find ourselves wanting God’s care? is it not when we find that we are at our wits end? or that when we feel like we can’t go on? i ask you, dear blog reader, when you feel helpless, hopeless, and that you’ve given all you’ve got and nothing seems to be going right, is it the only time that you look for God’s care? or is it more of "Lord, why didn’t you help me? i was already going downhill, and You didn’t even lift a finger to help me." the question is, did you want Him to help you? did you say it out loud that you needed His help? that you even wanted His help? were you willing to admit that you needed and wanted His help? do you?

pride gives way to ego.  and according to Tommy Tenney, the devil walks in the door that ego opens.  "God i’m really fine on my own." "God i can do this on my own, really." aye, these proud statements delight the devil the most.  i’m just reminding you guys, the devil’s downfall was because he was way too proud.  so pride isn’t really something we should get too much of.

you might be saying to yourself right now "pfft micah…it’s so easy for you to condemn us just because you’ve never experienced wanting to do things on your own." well, i’ve got news for you. i’m guilty of pride just as everyone is guilty of it.  but i chose to let the Lord be the captain of my soul.  we always think that we know what’s best for ourselves, but there’s something better than our best..and that is God’s best for us.  it’s up to you if you want to claim God’s best plans for you.  one thing i’ve learned from all this wanting to be in charge of my own life? i can’t handle it.

when you find yourself at your wit’s end, you’ll discover that God is there. 

we all want God explained. we want Him all figured out.  we want to know about Him, but not know Him. (knowing about Him is a lot different from knowing Him personally.) we want Him near, but we give Him boundaries. we have this understanding of Him. we make Him who we want Him to be.  but the thing is…He is who He is. that’s why He is God.  we can’t put Him in a box.

during an argument with an atheist friend, he asked me, "paano ka ba nakasisigurado na may Diyos?" I answered with, "the mere complexity of the human body, of the world, of the universe, the complexity of life." Then he asked, "eh por que ba complex na ang buhay God na yung nasa likod nun?" the answer i wish i said, "Sino pa nga ba?" but honestly, apologetics is not one thing i am good at. and no matter how i convince him that there is God, just as long as he blocks his view of a Supernatural Being, i won’t be able to convince him. just as much as he could try convincing me that there is no God, but i have my faith, and he can’t convince me that there is no God, because God has been so real in my life.

if you die tonight, would you be sure of where you are going?  whether or not you believe in places you can go to after death, wouldn’t you rather be safe than sorry?  i’d rather be safe than sorry. i’m sure you would, too.

what to write? what to write?

i actually have alot in mind..and one particular thing actually.  but if i blog it…it’ll be to my disadvantage. it’s not like i can select the people who can view my blog..so if i blog about this particular thing i actually want to blog about, there are people who can read it who shouldn’t read it…(-_-) aaah… so i won’t blog about it anymore…haha..or maybe i will…in the distant future! hahaha…

anyway, school’s only been out for less than a week and i’m already starting to get bored. (that would explain the bulletin posts i’ve been answering lately) i’ve practically been a bum since my semestral break started.  all i’ve been doing is eat, sleep, watch t.v., use the net, read volumes of the samurai x manga i finally got(^_^) {whoppee!} that’s all i’ve been doing! and it’s only been 4 days since i actually haven’t done anything school-related! not that i’m complaining…it’s just that i want to actually DO something, GO places (heck..no school, no allowance..), talk to someone!

ever since the school year started, i hardly use the telephone anymore. i only use it to call my hexagon buddies to clarify homework or papers or whatever! it’s pathetic! i’ve only been calling people for acad-related stuff…(0.o) that sounds so geeky! the last movie i saw at the theater was herbie…(was that in july or august? heck..i can’t even remember) but the last time my the hexagon went out for leisure was…the start of the semester! hayayay! our plans for R and R after the sem has gone down the drain…(_ _)  haay..oh well…

all these things aren’t the things i wanted to blog at all…i actually wanted to blog about waning friendships, and seemingly more-than friendships…but things like those are too complicated to blog about, especially when the people who read this particular blog can take a direct hit. so let me leave this entry just like this.

finally…

my semester is over…so is my practicum. it’s bittersweet. i miss my kids already, every single one of them…

we were asked to make a reflection paper as the last log for our FLCD 172 subject (that’s the course number of our practicum)…and i just want to share it with everyone(^_^)
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During the start of FLCD 172, I
didn’t know what to expect from myself, from the course, and from the children. I felt as though I was not ready to practice
teach, yet.

When I find out that I was
assigned in the 2s’ class I was excited to start practice teaching. I already knew the old students in the 2s’
class, because of our implementation in the Toddlers’ class in FLCD 16 during
the second semester of the previous academic year. Several weeks into practicum, I realized that no matter how cute
and adorable the children were, they were also highly energetic and I could
find them so frustrating at times. It was
sometimes frustrating to have to repeat myself over and over when they had to
pack away or sit down at the meeting area. I realized how physically taxing handling 14 2-year olds was. It also occurred to me that I was in for
one, excuse the term, hell of a sem. At
first, it made me think, is this what I really want to do for the rest of my
professional life? Especially with
the Daily Logs and the Individual Children’s Logs, I felt like life would be
much easier without them.

I found handling a big group
activity easy enough. But I knew that
handling Story Time was a lot easier than handling Meeting Time. Handling Story Time was my favorite big
group activity to handle, because aside from it was easier, the children were
to kiss the teacher in front when they were called to get their bags to lineup
and go home. It was the reward at the
end of the day that drained out all frustration. One kiss from each child – the sweetest reward. 

By the time we were to make our
own weekly plans, plotting activities and stories was also a challenge. The final challenge and nerve-racking task
was being the Lead Teacher. Handling
the whole class for the whole day sometimes made me want to pull my hair out,
especially during the times when the children were definitely hyped up and
would be too energized to sit still. Encountering children with aggressive behavior made me feel incompetent
as a teacher. Especially during the
times when someone would get pushed or hit right in front of me. I would feel, I
was right in front of the kids, why wasn’t I able to prevent it? When our (us, teachers’) explanations to the
kids fell on deaf ears, it nearly made me cry. But in the end, their small successes in packing away and dealing with
others made me forget the mishaps of the day. 

I find it amusing that I was able
to understand most of what they were trying to say. I felt like that I could understand 2s’ talk very well, except
for those who just uttered multiple syllables that were not quite words.J I did not expect them to be able to remember
my name, because for one, they only saw me thrice a week and what’s more,
teacher Aika and I have names that sound alike and I knew it would be a cause
for confusion among them. Even Teachers
Eds and Hazel would sometimes call me teacher Aika and call teacher Aika
teacher Micah. But by the middle of the
semester, the children knew which teacher was which (well, at least most of
them)
and even teachers Eds and Hazel would only switch our names on occasion. Having to hear the children call me by my
name was music to my ears (I am not exaggerating here). One experience I will never forget was when
Mikki finally spoke his first word in class, which was “bye”. That definitely brought a smile to our faces
and melted our hearts.J

All things must come to an end,
and I am quite happy and sad that my practicum has come to its end. Happy, because I am free of doing logs and
weekly plans. But sad, because I will no longer get to spend time with my
children and with my co-teachers. 

How could I ever forget Diego and
his quiet demeanor? Or that when he talks he becomes talkative? Or how he would
say “mama andun” whenever we’d see an airplane pass by? Or the funny things he says?

How could I ever forget Alee and
her laughter that makes me want to laugh as well whenever I hear her? Or how she would pack away the toys without
having to be told to think that she is one of the youngest in the class?

How could I ever forget Manu and
his killer smile and his love for play at the Dramatic Play Area? Or how he overcame his separation anxiety in
coming inside the classroom?

How could I ever forget Mikki and
his cheerful disposition? Or how he
first said “bye” in class? Or how well and fearless he is in climbing
ladders?

How could I ever forget Yela and
her love for Barney? Or her enthusiasm during Circle Time and Story Time?

How could I ever forget Danie and
her love for school that she would tell her mom that she wants to go to school
despite the downpour of the rain? Or how she would hand her classmates’
nameplates to put in the attendance chart? Or how she would pack away toys she
played with or not without being told?

How could I ever forget Jireh and
his curiosity and his endless asking of “bakit”? Or how affectionate and concerned he becomes
for his classmates when they cry? Or
how remorseful he becomes when he knows he’s done something wrong?

How could I ever forget Kat-Kat
and her ability to sing along with any song? Or her endless stories of people
at home? Or her autonomy in packing
away?

How could I ever forget Papat and
his love for cars? Or his very adorable
face? Or how he loves to sit beside his ate Trish during Community
Presentation? Or the fact that I was
able to teach the child of my Math 11 prof?

How could I ever forget Awit and
his sweet and innocent smile? Or how he
would join in singing by moving his hands? Or how he would wave at everyone and
anyone who would greet him?

 

How could I ever forget Ili and
her wit? Or how she would actively
participate in working on activities and even during Meeting Time and Story
Time? Or how she could easily identify
pictures of familiar things?

How could I ever forget Louis and
his sweetness towards us teachers? Or how he would drop any toy he’s holding to
sing along with “C is for Cookie”? Or even his aggressive behavior?

How could I ever forget Tammi and
her obedience in remaining seated at the meeting area for Meeting Time and
Story Time? Or how she pointed to a
picture of a clownfish and happily say, “Nemo”? 

And how could I ever forget
Claire and her love for singing? Or how
she would volunteer in checking the weather almost everyday? Or how she would
speak in complete sentences? Or how she first called me “Teacher Micah”?
Or how she could do things on her own?

How could I ever forget Teacher
Eds and all the help she gave all throughout my practicum experience? Or how well I got along with her?

How could I ever forget Teacher
Hazel and her cooperation in teaching the children? Or how we helped each other in remembering what to put in our
logs and documentation?

How could I ever forget Teacher
Aika and how we still ended up teaching in the same class? Or how she remained to be a great friend and
colleague as we taught the children together?

And how could I ever forget the
mentoring, patience, consideration and understanding of Teacher Mayda? Or how during her last semester in the
university, I was blessed to experience being under her tutelage?

The logs have been written,
events have been documented, stories have been read, songs have been sung,
dances have been danced, toys have been packed away, weekly plans have been
implemented, teacher made materials have been made, narratives have been
written and the children have progressed. All these things and all the memories I have of my practicum shall
forever be with me. 

Malapit nang matapos ang aking paghihirap sa semestreng ito.  Itong semsestre na yata ang pinakamatrabahong semestre sa lahat ng napagdaanan kong semestre sa pamantasan.  Hindi ko naisip na ganito pala talaga katrabaho ang practicum.  Sa iisang subject, sandamakmak na requirements.  Halos hindi na nga ako natutulog at pansin na pansin ito ng mga kaibigan ko. Paano ba naman hindi mapapansin ang maiitim na ilalim ng mata ko?

Konting pagtitiis at konti pang pagsasakripisyo, matatapos ko na ang semestre ko.  Iilang requirements na lang ang kailangang ipasa bago maramdaman ang tamis ng bakasyon.  Haaay…malapit na nga ang bakasyon ko, pero pakiramdam ko malayo pa rin siya. 

Naisip ko nga eh…kung magawa kong malagpasan ang semestreng ito, kahit ano pang semestre malalagpasan ko.  Ayaw ko nang maging pasaway sa pagsumite ng mga pangangailangan sa kurso sa mga sumusunod ko pang 3 semestre.  Kaya naman ngayon, kailangan ko munang ihatid itong blog entry na ito sa kanyang wakas…

(@.@)batang bangag(@.@)